To teach her fledgling to fly, a mama bird will gradually stand further back from the nest with food, encouraging the baby bird to come out onto the limb to get it. The baby often falls, after a couple times realizes the fall can be softened by spreading its wings, and eventually this gives way to flight.
 
But every so often there’s a stubborn bird-ling who would seemingly rather starve than leave the safety and comfort of the nest. So mama bird, in her infinite and instinctual wisdom, shoves him out.
 
As parents teaching our kids to be adults I think we’d all prefer the gradual approach of enticing our kids out on their own until they feel confident to fly the coop. But there really are times in life when we have to shove. If we don’t and we let our kids stay where it’s safe and comfortable for too long, we risk missing an important and formative window of self-actualization.
 
I say all this as a “self-shover”. Many of my students have heard me talk about how painfully shy I was in high school. I was the type of kid who’d throw up on the way to the dentist, not because of any fear of dental work (no, that would be too rational and normal), but because I was afraid to talk to the dental hygienist.  I literally made myself so nervous I’d throw up. I say this as the same kid who would make my three years younger sister order for me in restaurants because I was too afraid to talk to the waitress.
 
In fairness (and because she always reads my posts) my mom did a fair amount of shoving. She forced me to talk to new people, stay in volleyball even though I cried all the way through tryouts (how I made the team is a miracle to this day), look people in the eye even though I was beet red and my cheeks burned, and get a job as at The Whole Enchilada to interact with new people in a “professional” setting.
 
All this incrementally helped, but when it came to college, I took refuge in my acceptance to a highly selective institution that just happened to be a thirty-minute drive from home. I went home at least once a month on the weekends. I still had one foot in the nest.
 
It’s a good thing God gifted me introspection, and eventually I came to the difficult realization that if I were to make the most of my life, I have to shove myself out of the nest.
 
So I took as big a running leap as I could, and I went to study in Tokyo, Japan, for five months. By myself. It was the hardest, and most important, thing I’ve ever done.
 
What I’ve learned in thinking about my own experience with growing up and what I see with the hundreds of students I’ve assisted in their own journeys is that growing up is incredibly hard. There are tears. There are times kids want to quit. There are normal low points where kids want so badly to crawl under the blankets of their childhood bed with a plate of mom’s chicken and rice with the family dog keeping their feet warm. So kids face two decisions:

1. Stick it out, deal with it, and hope it gets better (it almost always does, and the transformation that takes place is literally life-changing)
2. Give in to those tough feelings and return to the safety of the nest

 
Parents are in a tough spot. You dance the line between encouraging independence by letting kids struggle through natural feelings of doubt and panic and stress that are inherent in learning self-sufficiency, and care-taking when children need to still be children: loved, cared-for, and safe.
 
I don’t have a magic formula for when to swoop and when to shove. But I do know that there are ways to build in a more graduated release of responsibility and independence that will help smooth your child’s transition later on.
 
Here are some ideas:

1. Let your student do a residential summer program at a college or university. By doing a program like this, kids are safe, supervised, making friends, and trying out life as a college student before college starts. This is seriously the best suggestion I can give to any pre-college student and family.
2. Keep them in their commitments until they see them through. If they apply to be the “chip girl” at the Whole Enchilada and want to quit after day three, remind them they made a commitment, and the need to see it through for an appropriate amount of time (my mom finally relented after three months of agony for both of us).
3. Give them some control over their schedule. This might take the form of a family calendar where they are expected to add items for where they will be and when, a commitment to text whenever they arrive at a new location, or something else, but high school students should be practicing with managing at least a portion of their own time.
4. Let them (make them) handle their own issues with their teachers, and teach them to do it professionally and respectfully. This means sending the email asking to meet about a low test grade, or requesting a meeting to discuss some unfairness that transpired in class, solo. If you need to follow up with the teacher on your own, that’s fine, but when your child sees you marching in to handle it, they learn to rely on you to solve their problems.
5. Let them explore colleges and majors outside your comfort zone. This is a big one, and I understand it might also be a controversial one. In today’s dynamic and global world, we risk limiting our children if they are confined to a narrow geographic area. Do I believe every child is ready to go to NYU for college? Goodness, no. Do I believe students benefit from exploring for themselves if they are truly ready and wanting to go far from home or be close? Yes, I do. You’d be amazed at student’s abilities to ascertain what’s best for themselves.  

 
Mama-birds (and papa-birds), I know the dance is tough. I wish you all the type of children who willingly climb out on the limb through your incremental enticing until they fly with their full might. But if you have a bird who needs a little shove, I wish you, too, the encouragement to shove lovingly knowing you’re doing the right thing, tough as it may be (and loud as they may squawk).
 
I’m done birding around now. Have a great week, everyone! 

Question: Who “wins” this game?
 
Player 1 was accepted into Harvard, his dream school.
 
Player 2 was denied from every highly selective school to which she applied. She also applied to and was accepted by High Point University, her safety school in a sea of “lottery schools” from which she was denied.
 
If we stop the game here, Player 1 is the clear winner. He has the acceptance to the prestigious university and the application plan that went according to plan. Player 2 is settling. She had an application plan that was not smartly put together, and she is dealing with the result.
 
But guess what? The “game” doesn’t stop there. And that’s because life doesn’t stop there. There is more to it than just getting in. Once a student gets in, he or she has to attend, work hard, interact skillfully with professors and peers, apply for and win research opportunities, pass classes, get internships…
 
What if we zoom forward three years from the scenario with which we started? What if we find out Player 2 is thriving? She is a “big fish in a smaller pond” about to do a semester in Florence with an internship for global marketing. She already has a job offer from her last internship in the summer, and she’s weighing that against the decision to continue on to graduate school. Possibilities abound. The failure she felt senior year being rejected from so many more prestigious colleges is just a blip in the past she doesn’t have time to dwell on.
 
Meanwhile, Player 1 has, amid the incredible pressure of his immensely talented peers and the increased expectations of college life, dropped out. He’s taking time off while his mother encourages him to transfer into the local state university so he doesn’t fall further behind. He wasn’t a good fit for the pressure, and he had no idea it was going to be that way. He had applied and decided to attend his first college because of the name recognition. “If you get in to Harvard, you go”, his dad had told him. So he went, and he failed. It was never a good fit.
 
Who is “winning” the game now?
 
There’s a bigger idea here that’s so important for students and parents to remember. They must remember the end goal. What is this all for? What’s most important in this process? Is it bragging rights about how selective a school you could get into? It shouldn’t be. Your likelihood of success is not correlated with the lower the admissions percentage of the school you attend.
 
Seniors, as you get your acceptances, think long term. Think realistically about your priorities. At Guru, we celebrate every success, not just the ones that come with single digit selectivity percentages, because we know we work hard to help families put together college lists that are based on substance—places our students will thrive academically, socially, and financially.  And when Harvard says yes to the right kid, we celebrate that, too! The same way we do for Ole Miss, Syracuse, Stanford and everywhere in between. 

​I fall asleep most every night reading articles about admissions trends, cognitive psychology, goal-setting… I eat this stuff up.
 
But I also read things that make my stomach turn. Some of these nausea-inducing pieces come from others in the business of college admission counseling, and some of it comes from well-meaning parents who have heard bad information from other parents—things like their child needs to be “branding” themselves in order to look good to colleges, or test-prep ought to start in ninth grade, or the higher “ranked” a college is the better it must be. It makes me want to scream, “Stop the madness!”
 
College admission planning is stressful for students and parents. This is the most scrutiny (whether real or perceived) many students will have undergone thus far in their lives. There’s adolescent (and sometimes parental) ego at stake, hinged on the idea of getting in or being denied. It’s also an incredibly expensive proposition, one where understanding actual costs is nearly impossible up front. There are acronyms to decipher (SAT, ACT, AP, FAFSA, CLEP, IB), classes to choose, leadership skills to cultivate, tests to prep for, colleges to research… If all that worry is left unbridled, it can lead to poor decisions that adversely affect the student. Decisions like turning your child into a “brand” or spending thousands prepping for a PSAT test in tenth grade that doesn’t even count for national merit (and national merit doesn’t necessarily live up to it’s reputation for being a golden goose, anyway!).
 
Stop the madness! There is such thing as too much test prep (or starting test prep too early), your high-schooler does not need a “brand”, and the Ivies are not the only colleges worthy of effusive fanfare.
 
I believe in purposeful planning, using accurate information. This has the effect of bringing the stress inherent in this process down a level. My students have plans for when they will start test prep and they understand why they are taking the tests at the times allocated. These are things any student can create for himself or herself. I also believe we best serve students when we help them find authenticity as opposed to a synthetic identity manufactured to get them in to college, as if getting in were the end goal (it’s not). Teenagers are in the midst of discovering themselves. Let’s not stifle that process by inserting an idea of what “looks good” to an admissions committee into the mix.
 
Instead, let’s help them understand the pursuit of knowledge is more valuable than a weighted GPA or class rank. Let’s protect them from unnecessary and premature stress by allowing test prep to start when it’s an appropriate time. Let’s do the best by our kids by teaching them to be themselves, giving them tools to discover what that means, and challenging them to do so with intrinsic motivation.
 
For my students and me that means engaging in goal-setting and aligning select activities with those goals. It means looking at a broad range of colleges, including some you might not have heard about before (You’re interested in research and you want a scholarship? Skip Cornell and try Rhodes).  It means fostering authentic interests and pursuing them relentlessly. (If you are a student of mine, you have probably heard me tell you to pursue two or three activities 100 miles per hour with your hair on fire).
 
I am passionate about what I do because I believe so strongly in the power of higher education. It’s the opportunity to unlock not only doors to a future career, but doors to a more liberated mind and better life. But students have to be taught to value it as such, and when we teach them to brand themselves, pursue a grade instead of an understanding of a subject, or place their self worth in the prestige of their admissions decisions, we are teaching the wrong values. 

A new data analysis from the Department of Education has found that 68% of students opted last year to have the FAFSA sent to just one school. The conclusion we draw from this? Students are either deciding too early in the process where they will attend college or not applying to enough schools in the first place.
 
National Decision Day, the day when students must notify their chosen college of their intent to enroll and pay their deposit, is May 1st of the senior year. However, this report as well as my own work with students suggests that many are making up their minds much earlier, even before financial aid packages are awarded, which usually happens in March or April.
 
This number is troubling, and likely an indicator of the want to be over and done with a process that can be riddled with anxiety and uncertainty. For most families the cost of college is a big factor in their decision where the student will attend. Yet, many of these same students and families start the enrollment process before having their financial aid award. You don’t truly know how much your education will cost until you have filed all financial aid forms (FAFSA, CSS Profile) and received the results of those filings from colleges.
 
My suggestion to parents and students is this: the fall application season is about creating smart options from which to choose in March or April, after you have all the pieces of the puzzle in front of you (admissions decisions, honors college decisions, scholarship offers, financial aid awards). When financial aid and costs truly are a driving factor, deciding in November, right after you get an admissions offer, where you will attend is premature. Why not wait and use these interim months (between the offer of admission and the time you get your financial aid award) to really compare on a deeper level the differences between your prospective schools?
 
I hear and understand the concern about housing, and it’s my opinion that colleges often use housing as leverage to entice students to deposit before they really need to do so. Here’s what I recommend: call the housing office. Ask about when housing actually fills up. Most colleges prioritize housing for freshman, and many guarantee it. Call and get the facts straight from the housing office itself before feeling the pressure to deposit from admissions.
 
Students, families, and college counselors work collaboratively for many months helping to create a smart list of colleges that will provide a good set of options for the student in the senior year. Let all those options play out before rushing into a decision, especially when cost is an important or decisive factor.

College visits can be one of the most helpful ways to find out if a school is right for you. Often times, these trips mean driving for hours or taking a plane, getting a hotel, renting a car. These things add up, so it makes sense to carefully plan your trip ahead of time. For a school you are serious about (or think you are serious about) it's never a good idea just to show up on campus. Instead, plan at least two weeks in advance and make sure the school knows you are coming. Not only will you get a better visit, but the school will know you were there which is important for demonstrating interest. Read on, aspiring Aggies! 

Address: 
Office of Admissions, 
750 Agronomy Road, Suite 1601, 
0200 TAMU, 
College Station, TX 77843-0200 

Phone: (979) 845-1060

Recommendations:
1.     Take an official tour
              a.     Can schedule online: http://campustours.tamu.edu
2.     Sit in on a class, departmental information session, housing seminar, etc.
              a.     Departmental seminars and housing tours can be scheduled using the regular tour link. 
              Information on all options here: http://visit.tamu.edu/visitor-center/visits.html
              b.     Arrange a possible class visit through admissions: [email protected]
3.     Contact members of the department of your intended major prior to your visit to see if any have a couple minutes to meet with you while you are on campus or any recommendations for you to check out while you are there.
4.     Check out the student newspaper
              a.     Online here http://www.thebatt.com
5.     Go to the bookstore and get a pendant/sweatshirt/etc: http://tamu.bncollege.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/BNCBLocationAndContactView?catalogId=10001&langId=-1&storeId=17552
7.     Events calendar – See what’s happening on campus: http://calendar.tamu.edu
8.     Eat in the dining hall on campus: http://www.dineoncampus.com/tamu/
9.     Record your reflections in a journal (sounds cheesy but will be helpful to you in a couple months)
10. Take pictures, if possible
11. While on campus, chat with current students (or these can be good to ask your admissions officer, if he/she is an alum). Good questions to ask:
            a.     Why did you decide to attend Texas A&M?
            b.     What other schools were you considering?
            c.      What have you most enjoyed about your time here so far?
            d.     Is there anything you don’t like about the school? 

Happy visiting! 

College has many purposes, not the least of which is training students to be experts in a certain field such that they can go out, spread their wings, and find gainful employment (with healthcare!). 

But college's most important role? Teaching our kids to think. Turning our "kids" into socially aware citizens capable of making a difference in the world. This, I challenge you to consider, is far more important than any pay check they will ever earn (but let's be real: that's pretty gosh darn important too, especially when you get that bill for teen-driver auto insurance, right?) 

In the wake of the Great Recession, I've seen a flood of parents concerned with getting their children into schools with good engineering departments, or strong business programs, or the best medical school acceptance statistics. These worries have replaced or overshadowed the desire for their children to gain independence, explore new ideas, and find the school where they will grow the most. 

There's a hyper intense focus on getting students to peg down a career while still in high school, and it forces the college search to revolve around that end, so much so that it often eclipses the discussion of school fit. Certainly, part of fit is finding a school that offers a major suited to the student's interests, but this should rarely be the driving factor in undergraduate studies (graduate school is very different, mind you). 

This change in educational tides concerns me because I know college is the place where students truly learn to think, and I worry this wonderful pursuit of intellectual curiosity will be stunted when a student's four year focus is consumed by the task of getting an internship in the most prestigious an engineering firm instead of trying their hand at the campus poetry slam, or listening to a debate on human rights, or even playing inner tube water polo. In other words, students may lose the love of learning for learning's sake, one of the most fulfilling pursuits we can expose them to. 

"But don't students learn to think in high school? My kid took 11 APs!" To answer is a sweeping generality, no. High school, despite the best efforts of The Common Core, STEM, Bloom's Taxonomy, etc., is about getting the work done to make the grade. The college admissions process is largely to blame for this: there is so much weight placed on high school grades and rigor of curriculum. Students don't take Advanced Placement World History to learn more about the Roman Empire, they take it because it looks good on their transcript, and they only want that transcript to get into college, and they are being told that college is about getting a job... see where this leads? 

The irony of this all is that most employers value critical thinking and the ability to synthesize beyond subject expertise. Consider this report released last April by the Association of American Colleges and Universities. They found "while policy leaders have been focused intensely on what college students are choosing as their majors and what salaries they are being paid shortly after they graduate, business leaders who actually hire college graduates are urging us to prioritize the cross-cutting capacities a college education should develop in every student, in every major." In other words, let college be about learning, growing, thinking and not job prospecting. 

So parents, I know you have the best of intentions when you push your child to search for colleges through the lens of majors, departments, and job placement. But remember that what's equally important is helping them to find a place where they will not only acquire expertise, but also a love of learning that will last them a lifetime (cue rainbows and fireworks). 

Read More: 
Wanted: More U.S. College Grads with Critical Thinking Skills

I'd love to hear your opinions on this, too! Comment below or send me an email: [email protected]

Full disclosure, I attended a liberal arts college for my undergraduate studies. Read on to get my take on getting a liberal arts education. 

When I talk with families about adding a liberal arts college to their list of considerations, I am met with a variety of reactions:
     1. A blank stare -- what the heck is liberal arts?
     2. A polite smile -- the kind you give the fifth boy scout in a 
         week to knock on your door and ask you to       
         buy popcorn. This smile is also known as the "thanks but 
         no thanks" smile. 
     3. Shock. Horror. Aghast-ness. How dare I suggest such a 
         thing! This is my child's EDUCATION we are 
         talking about here. 
     4. Concern -- Client: "We don't really do things with the 
         word "liberal" in them. This is Texas." 
         (Just kidding with this one; I couldn't help myself.)

All levity aside, liberal arts colleges can be great options for some, but not all, students. Keep reading to learn more. 

What it is: The Association of American Colleges and Universities defines a liberal arts college as 
"A particular type of institution—often small, often residential—that facilitates close interaction between faculty and students, and whose curriculum is grounded in the liberal arts disciplines." A liberal arts education offers students the opportunity to earn a degree while taking a wide variety of courses. Students usually have expansive general education requirements in addition to those courses required for their major. Speaking of majors, liberal arts colleges offer plenty of majors that usually align with the classic disciplines. Check out this list of majors from Swarthmore College.  

What it isn't: Liberal arts colleges do not offer "fluff" degrees, they do not require you to go on to graduate school in order to have a career of which to speak, nor are they only for students who haven't yet found their "passion." That B.A. (Bachelor of Arts) really isn't any less than a B.S. (Bachelor of Science), but that's a whole other post for another time. 

Why it's cool: A liberal arts education creates a more holistically educated student. A liberal arts student will know how to write well even though he majors in biology; he will know how to run a t-test even if he majors in philosophy. You don't have to sacrifice depth for breadth with a liberal arts degree either -- you will accrue depth in your chosen field of study (i.e. your major), and you will pursue breadth through your general education course requirements (of which there are a greater number than at non-liberal arts schools). You could be taking a class on existentialism at 9am, then buzz off to physics at noon, and end the day with a class on Piaget's theories of child development, all while pursing a degree in cognitive psychology. You're going to spend more time developing good skills such as writing and learning to be a good communicator -- skills employers are most interested in. 

Who it's for: Liberal arts colleges are great for students who want to go on to graduate school, this is true. But they are also great for students who want to go into business, or finance, or politics, or engineering, or the nonprofit world. If a student knows she wants to be a nurse or a teacher or enter a trade where a certification is required through schooling, liberal arts may not be the best option -- there are quicker routes to getting your degree and starting your career in these instances. For students who aren't yet sure what career path is best for them, liberal arts schools are tremendous laboratories for learning, growth, and development as they allow a student the chance to explore innumerable areas of interest before deciding on one in which to major. And remember, more than half of students change their major after they declare, something you CAN do at a liberal arts school without adding on years to the time it takes to complete your degree. 

What's your take on the value of a liberal arts education? Comment below to keep the discussion going!

Read more: 
US News and World Report's Liberal Arts College Rankings
CBS News "5 Reasons to Attend a Liberal Arts College"
And for good measure, an opposing view: The Atlantic "How Liberal Arts Colleges are Failing America" 

Questions? Email us! [email protected]

Lately here at Guru, we've been working with several students interested in attending a faith-based institution for college. So that got us thinking, what are the advantages of a Christian college education? How do you know if this option is right for you? What is college like at a faith-based institution? We've done the research, so read on to find out! 

The Advantages of a Christian (or faith-based) College Education
If your faith is an active part of your life, religious institutions of higher learning can help you to foster your spirituality by surrounding you with like minded individuals (many also offer majors such as ministry if you are looking to create a career of faith). A religiously affiliated college can help you to adhere to the type of lifestyle you want to live by surrounding you with a positive cultural environment. This can prove to be a wonderful source of community while you are on campus. On the other hand, part of what makes the college years so transformational is the opportunity afforded to you to interact with people with ideas, backgrounds, and beliefs different from your own. Christian colleges are certainly not homogenous, but you are going to find more people there who come from a background similar to your own sharing many of the same views of the world as you do. It's a delicate balance between pushing yourself to grow and learn from people whose ideas you have never encountered and finding the sense of community that will make you feel at home on campus. 

How do I Know if a Christian College is Right For Me? 
The best advice about whether any school is a good fit for you is the same, whether we are considering a religious component or not. Get on campus. Talk to students. Visit the centers of worship, youth groups, or Bible studies. If you know you want to be a part of a community of faith in college, check out the options the college offers to fulfill that need. But here's something else to consider: most schools, whether they are religious or not, will have communities of faith within them. Don't rule a school out just because it isn't religious--check out the options for pursuing your faith first and then decide if those options are what you are looking for. Furthermore, don't assume a religiously affiliated school will have what you are looking for in a religious community. Different schools integrate religion into their academics, student life, and other services in different ways. Start by checking a school's mission statement. This will give you an idea of just how much religion is incorporated into the school's culture, academics, athletics, and social life. Then get on campus and spend some quality time checking out the vibe to be sure it's what you are looking for (or not looking for). 

What is College Like at a Faith-Based Institution? 
As with most things college-related, the answer to this question is a resounding "it depends". Some schools will heavily integrate religious beliefs into their academia. Your papers, midterms, and presentations may require you to consider what you have learned from a Christian point of view. For example, my sister is pursuing a Master of Nursing from Azusa Pacific University in California. She just wrote a paper about providing care for patients in a way that honors her Christian faith, according to the guidelines of the assignment. But not all Christian colleges bring faith into the classroom and instead provide student services which foster spiritual growth. 

For example, here's what Baylor says about it's commitment to religion: "At Baylor, we celebrate our distinctive place in higher education - where research, scholarship and faith guide the mind in understanding the complex diversity of God's creation and prepare the whole person for service and leadership."

You'll notice that is quite different than the information Southern Methodist University provides about the role it gives religion on campus: "SMU was founded by what is now The United Methodist Church, in partnership with civic leaders, and was shaped by the entrepreneurial spirit of the region. The University is nonsectarian in its teaching and committed to academic freedom and open inquiry."

The way schools incorporate religion is unique to each institution, which is a great thing because it means there's a school out there that offers you the experience you are looking for. You just have to find it! We can help with that part, because we know that finding the right fit in a school makes all the difference in your college experience and beyond. 

Want More Information? Try These. 

• http://www.cccu.org/: Council for Christian Colleges and Universities 
  
• http://www.hillel.org/: Hillel guide to Jewish life on campus
  
• www.ajcunet.edu/areas/ji/members.asp: Association of Jesuit Catholic Colleges and Universities
  
• http://www.lutherancolleges.org/: Lutheran Educational Conference of North America 
  
• http://www.catholiccollegesonline.org/

Have questions? Send us an email: [email protected]