Yesterday I let my four-year-old daughter use the bathroom by herself. In Target. 
 
I know some of you (perhaps including my husband) just gasped in audible shock and horror, and others might be Googling the number for CPS on their phone while they continue reading. It was stressful for me, too. I stood right outside the women’s restroom sign with our red plastic cart and her toddler brother (who was already eating the cheese sticks we’d just purchased two seconds prior), and I let her go for it. By herself. Without me. 
 
When I peeked in at her (okay, I caved), she was wiping her hands dry, a mountainous pile of surely no less than 15 brown paper towels mounding on top of the trashcan beneath her. She smiled, and said, “Mommy, you don’t need to check on me. I am doing just fiiiiiine.” 
 
And she was. 
 
Independence is important. And it’s a skill that’s built over the entirety of one’s young life through early adulthood. The earlier we build our belief in our own ability to do things (known in the psychology world as self-efficacy), the more successful we become. Or at least so says the research laid out in the book I’m presently reading called The Self-Driven Child, by William Stixrud and Ned Johnson. 
 
The book details an issue all too familiar to college admissions professionals and undergraduate freshman professors. A couple pages in, there’s this: “From 1960 until 2002, high school and college students have steadily reported lower and lower levels of internal locus of control (the belief that they can control their own destiny) and higher levels of external locus of control (the belief that their destiny is determined by external forces). This change has been associated with an increased vulnerability to anxiety and depression. In fact, adolescents and young adults today are five to eight times more likely to experience the symptoms of an anxiety disorder than young people were at earlier times, including during the Great Depression, World War II, and the cold war. Are things really harder now than they were during the Depression? Or are we doing something that is dampening their natural coping mechanisms?" 
 
But, it’s harder to get into college these days, right? 
 
Nope. Seventy percent of colleges admit seventy percent or more of their 
applicants. These colleges are good colleges that admit students who go on to to be wildly successful. More correlated with your future success in life than the “networking potential” of your alma mater, or the average income upon graduation, or the engineering ranking in US News and World Report are the skills of the individual student, independence and efficacy being some of the most important. 
 
There’s a terrible cycle at work here. We are fed the belief that becoming successful in life is harder than ever. We want our kids to be successful, so we sometimes operate with an “at all costs” mindset to provide them every opportunity. In reality, what we are doing is leeching control away from them. Yes, mom and dad would do the project better, but it robs the child of the pride of ownership. Yes, if we hold their hand up the ladder on the playground they won’t get hurt. But they also won’t learn as quickly their own physical limits. Yes, if you keep your high schooler’s schedule for them they won’t miss appointments and will be on time (important things!), but they also won’t learn (sometimes the hard way) how to get themselves there and the consequences of not doing so. 
 
Inevitably, at some point, our kids are going to be in full control of their lives. So many young adults are not at the level of independence they need to be by the time they are flung into a residence hall the next state over, and this worsens not only their beginning college experience but their likelihood for college completion ,and even, according to the research by Stixrud and Johnson, their lifetime potential for success. 
 
I believe that scary (for me) trips into the Target bathroom lead to her reading books solo, doing poster board projects and science fairs using the germinations born of her own ideas, feeling confident in keeping a schedule all her own, building healthy mentoring relationships outside of those with us as her parents, and finally on to a lifetime of really cool things because she will have learned she can (or she can at least try and see what happens). 
 
So let them go solo. Let them write their own essay. Let them be responsible for doing their laundry and making that appointment with the dentist. As parents, we have to continuously evaluate how much we are letting and encouraging our kids to take control of their lives. They will be better for it (and so, in the long run, will you when they are amazing and fulfilled adults.) 

Giving dynamic and inspiring presentations is one of our most favorite pastimes here at Guru. We have the wonderful privilege of giving a presentation tonight to an LISD high school for the lower grades, and we know there are lots of parents who won't be there tonight who would love this information, too! The information below is the handout that goes with this presentation. Happy learning and thinking! 

9th Grade: 
1. Support your student in choosing challenging but appropriate classes. 

• A student’s performance in his/her core classes (English, math, history, science, foreign language) every year is the most important data point in a college admissions decision.
• Draft a four-year course plan to chart out his/her classes. Consider looking at the classes required by some colleges to help you plan.Encourage your student to try out lots of clubs and activities. Try everything! Be sure to include some volunteering experiences.

2. Begin a resume draft.

• College resumes are different than job resumes.
• You can find a template your student can copy and use here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TWICCAn7FFAIyeV8iEtk9gHFBrSedJ65gp-A4EFGHbc/edit?usp=sharing

10th Grade:
1. Settle in to 2-3 activities. Encourage quality and being really invested in a  few clubs/activities instead of having a minor role in many activities.

• Aim for a community service activity. Encourage volunteering with the same organization on a regular basis.
• Get involved with at least one activity through the school. Colleges value evidence of students’ abilities to contribute to their academic communities.

2. Start exploring aptitudes and interests

• Try the Myers Briggs test at www.16personalities.com (free!)
• Consider aptitude testing at www.youscience.com ($29)
• Use the UT Wayfinder tool at https://wayfinder.utexas.edu (free!)

3. Update the resume
4. Take the PSAT in October. Use is as a benchmark, and don’t stress too much about the results. Colleges do not see the PSAT scores – they are just a tool to help your student begin to familiarize himself/herself with standardized testing and understand strengths and weaknesses in content knowledge.
5. Consider an academic summer program.

• Look for free ones – there are so many!
  • Engineering: UT MITE (http://www.engr.utexas.edu/eoe/recruitment/mite)
  • Engineering (girls): Create@UT (http://www.engr.utexas.edu/wep/k12/createatut)
  • Leadership: Caminos al Future at George Washington University (https://summer.gwu.edu/caminos)
  • Math: Texas A&M SMaRT Camp (https://www.math.tamu.edu/outreach/SMaRT/)
  • Business: University of Houston Explore Business (https://www.bauer.uh.edu/undergraduate/prospective-students/high-school/summer-camps.php)
  • Computer Science: Code Longhorn at UT (https://apps.cs.utexas.edu/camp/code-longhorn)
  • Pre-Med: Camp Med Academy (http://txaheceast.org/dfw/about/campmed/) 

One of the things I love most about what I do with students is that we learn so many things together. Yes, we learn about building a smart college list, and how to put together an excellent resume, and what types of essays make a committee applaud. But we also learn so great life skills: how to address an envelope and where the stamp goes (this one kills me – technology has really changed communication!), how to understand debt in the context of projected future earnings, and how to write a professional email to an admissions officer, dean of an honors college, or professor.
 
There are quite a few reasons why you might find the need to email your admissions officer. These include:

1. Requesting a meeting when you are on campus visiting during a weekday
2. Asking a question about the college’s programs or application process
3. Checking on your application status after you’ve submitted your app
4. Letting them know you saw a bug on your morning walk (Just kidding. Don’t do this. AOs are busy people. Don’t annoy them with a pointless email or a question you could easily find for yourself).

 
There is a good chance you will find yourself needing to email several admissions officers or college faculty in the course of your college planning process, but many students are stumped with how to do this. We’ve put together a little guide to help (life skills are where it’s at!).
 
First, let’s get one thing out of the way: The email has to come from the student, sound like a student wrote it, and be responded to by the student. Mom and Dad, definitely help and guide, but students have to own their process and be in charge of their communication. Colleges expect this and might flag an applicant’s file if there is too much evidence the student is not college-ready or independent enough yet to handle the college environment.
 
Here’s an outline of how to do this:

1. The subject line: Keep it simple and to the point.
   1. Examples

                  i.On Campus Interview Request
                  ii.Meeting request during campus visit
                  iii.Checking on application status – CAID 975674
                  iv.Inquiry: Ability to double major in CS and Electrical Engineering

1. The addressee: Check the title you are using to address your recipient. For women, use Ms. instead of Mrs. or Miss unless you have met their spouse last week for a quick golf game and are certain she is still married. If you are emailing a dean of professor, there is a good chance they have a Ph.D. Use Dr. in this case. If the professor has a masters degree (you can find all this in their faculty bio and/or CV online on the faculty page for the department in question) use the title “Professor”. Bonus tip: spell their name right (this happens A LOT. Take your time and be thorough)
2. Writing the email: Start by introducing yourself. Include your full legal name  (you don’t have to include your middle name, especially if it’s Thelma and you are still salty for having to write that out on the forms for all your college apps), your high school and home city, your year in school (freshmen, sophomore, junior, senior), and your date of birth (this part is helpful for admissions to match to your file). You might also include your application ID if you have already applied and have one.
3. Ask your question: Jump straight in to your point. Keep it to one brief paragraph. If it requires more than that, you should be setting up a phone appointment/calling in the question.
4. End with gratitude: Say “Thank you” or “Thank your for your consideration” or “With gratitude” – something to show you appreciate their help with your process and are a lovely, polite, amicable human being (which you are!)
5. Wait for a response (give it three business days), and respond (if needed) when the email comes in: This means you need to check your email once a day! It’s a good habit to develop. Maybe do this right when you get home from school each day.

 
Here are a couple real example emails students have sent recently.
 
Dear Mr. Pederson,

My name is Firstname Lastname and I will be touring SMU this Friday. I'm emailing you to ask if there is a class I could sit in on, preferably an intro to journalism class or any class involved in the Fashion Media major. Going into SMU the Fashion Media major is what I would like to pursue and I would like to see a preview on how the classes interact and the involvement of the students. Thank you for your consideration! 

Firstname Lastname
 
                                                      _________________________
  
Hello Mr. Jackson,
 
My name is Firstname Lastname from Flower Mound High School here in North Texas. I wanted to give you my thanks for hand-writing that postcard in regards to my acceptance to KU! That alongside the notification of the KU Distinctions Scholarship really meant a lot to me.
 
I went to the NorTex College Fair in Denton that The University of North Texas hosted, and I had the opportunity of meeting Allyson Peters! She was extremely helpful and gave me a lot of useful information.
 
I wanted to point out something I discussed with her: The KU Excellence Scholarship. I had mentioned that I have taken the ACT exam three separate times, and that my highest score was a 26, which qualifies me for the Distinction scholarship. Would it be wise to take the ACT exam a fourth time to try and score a 28? The lady at the college fair mentioned that I could email you if I scored a 27, and while my tests superscore up to a 27, I'm aware that you guys don't superscore. Getting the Distinction scholarship is such an honor, but knowing that I'm still on the college search, should I take it one final time to see if I can raise it up higher than my past three exams?
  
Thanks so much!
-Firstname Lastname
 
These both sound very much like high school students because they were written by high school students. We as adults might look at a phrasing here or there and want to correct it, but resist that urge. These are great – they are authentic, they reflect the student’s actual questions, and they communicate very professionally in the way that a 17 year old would communicate professionally.
 
Guide your students to learn to write great emails and communicate well on behalf of themselves. Empower them by giving them examples and offering to review their work and give them feedback. And encourage them to reach out to build rapport to do the best job they can in their college planning process.
 
Questions? Email me at erika@guruacademicadvising.com

To teach her fledgling to fly, a mama bird will gradually stand further back from the nest with food, encouraging the baby bird to come out onto the limb to get it. The baby often falls, after a couple times realizes the fall can be softened by spreading its wings, and eventually this gives way to flight.
 
But every so often there’s a stubborn bird-ling who would seemingly rather starve than leave the safety and comfort of the nest. So mama bird, in her infinite and instinctual wisdom, shoves him out.
 
As parents teaching our kids to be adults I think we’d all prefer the gradual approach of enticing our kids out on their own until they feel confident to fly the coop. But there really are times in life when we have to shove. If we don’t and we let our kids stay where it’s safe and comfortable for too long, we risk missing an important and formative window of self-actualization.
 
I say all this as a “self-shover”. Many of my students have heard me talk about how painfully shy I was in high school. I was the type of kid who’d throw up on the way to the dentist, not because of any fear of dental work (no, that would be too rational and normal), but because I was afraid to talk to the dental hygienist.  I literally made myself so nervous I’d throw up. I say this as the same kid who would make my three years younger sister order for me in restaurants because I was too afraid to talk to the waitress.
 
In fairness (and because she always reads my posts) my mom did a fair amount of shoving. She forced me to talk to new people, stay in volleyball even though I cried all the way through tryouts (how I made the team is a miracle to this day), look people in the eye even though I was beet red and my cheeks burned, and get a job as at The Whole Enchilada to interact with new people in a “professional” setting.
 
All this incrementally helped, but when it came to college, I took refuge in my acceptance to a highly selective institution that just happened to be a thirty-minute drive from home. I went home at least once a month on the weekends. I still had one foot in the nest.
 
It’s a good thing God gifted me introspection, and eventually I came to the difficult realization that if I were to make the most of my life, I have to shove myself out of the nest.
 
So I took as big a running leap as I could, and I went to study in Tokyo, Japan, for five months. By myself. It was the hardest, and most important, thing I’ve ever done.
 
What I’ve learned in thinking about my own experience with growing up and what I see with the hundreds of students I’ve assisted in their own journeys is that growing up is incredibly hard. There are tears. There are times kids want to quit. There are normal low points where kids want so badly to crawl under the blankets of their childhood bed with a plate of mom’s chicken and rice with the family dog keeping their feet warm. So kids face two decisions:

1. Stick it out, deal with it, and hope it gets better (it almost always does, and the transformation that takes place is literally life-changing)
2. Give in to those tough feelings and return to the safety of the nest

 
Parents are in a tough spot. You dance the line between encouraging independence by letting kids struggle through natural feelings of doubt and panic and stress that are inherent in learning self-sufficiency, and care-taking when children need to still be children: loved, cared-for, and safe.
 
I don’t have a magic formula for when to swoop and when to shove. But I do know that there are ways to build in a more graduated release of responsibility and independence that will help smooth your child’s transition later on.
 
Here are some ideas:

1. Let your student do a residential summer program at a college or university. By doing a program like this, kids are safe, supervised, making friends, and trying out life as a college student before college starts. This is seriously the best suggestion I can give to any pre-college student and family.
2. Keep them in their commitments until they see them through. If they apply to be the “chip girl” at the Whole Enchilada and want to quit after day three, remind them they made a commitment, and the need to see it through for an appropriate amount of time (my mom finally relented after three months of agony for both of us).
3. Give them some control over their schedule. This might take the form of a family calendar where they are expected to add items for where they will be and when, a commitment to text whenever they arrive at a new location, or something else, but high school students should be practicing with managing at least a portion of their own time.
4. Let them (make them) handle their own issues with their teachers, and teach them to do it professionally and respectfully. This means sending the email asking to meet about a low test grade, or requesting a meeting to discuss some unfairness that transpired in class, solo. If you need to follow up with the teacher on your own, that’s fine, but when your child sees you marching in to handle it, they learn to rely on you to solve their problems.
5. Let them explore colleges and majors outside your comfort zone. This is a big one, and I understand it might also be a controversial one. In today’s dynamic and global world, we risk limiting our children if they are confined to a narrow geographic area. Do I believe every child is ready to go to NYU for college? Goodness, no. Do I believe students benefit from exploring for themselves if they are truly ready and wanting to go far from home or be close? Yes, I do. You’d be amazed at student’s abilities to ascertain what’s best for themselves.  

 
Mama-birds (and papa-birds), I know the dance is tough. I wish you all the type of children who willingly climb out on the limb through your incremental enticing until they fly with their full might. But if you have a bird who needs a little shove, I wish you, too, the encouragement to shove lovingly knowing you’re doing the right thing, tough as it may be (and loud as they may squawk).
 
I’m done birding around now. Have a great week, everyone! 

​Parents: you know this on a rational level. The day your child wakes up in his dorm room as a college freshman will not magically turn him into a responsible and self-sufficient adult. He won’t suddenly spring from him bed unprompted with his homework complete and go eat his Wheaties in the cafeteria. He has to learn to do that before he gets there. The person your child is at the end of high school is that same person that will start college. That means the habits they’ve cultivated, the skills they’ve learned, and the etiquette they employ (or fail to) are the tools they are equipped with to succeed in their new environment.
 
It’s your job as a parent to make sure they are ready, and in this case, doing more means doing less. As your child progresses through high school you need to do less in order to allow them to do more. This is called a graduated release of responsibility. It’s hard. It’s scary. It’s sometimes messy, but it’s necessary.
 
Not sure where or how to start? In our work with students we’ve identified a subset of skills we believe all college-bound students need in order to succeed.

1. Be in the habit of checking email daily. This is easy. Kids have phones on them. Help them set up a professional sounding email address and link it to their phone. What’s key, though, is having some meaningful information be sent via email. You can put in your child’s email address, for example, on the coach’s email list, or on the group emails sent from the high school counselor, or anything else. You can also email your child links to articles that are relevant to things you’ve discussed. If they are going to check it, there has to be information there worth checking. Cultivate that content for them to establish this habit.
2. Know how to keep their schedule. This is a big one. Kids can and should make their own appointments, know when those appointments are, and get themselves there on time. Kids need to learn to communicate with others to keep their commitments and prioritize their time accordingly. They will mess up; resist the urge to jump in and take over. We learn by doing, and that means mistakes. Mistakes are okay. Mistakes are good. Mistakes are learning.
3. Understand failure is normal. Failure is a normal part of life. But the perception of high-stakes in college admissions has many teenagers (and parents) petrified of failure. In business school, they teach you to pivot when you fail (because failure is more normal than success in business). Kids need to learn this in life, too. Failure is a sign to make changes, adjust accordingly, move forward in a different fashion, try something else. Failure is not a referendum on your propensity to succeed. Colleges don’t want perfect snowflakes (really). So embrace failure and teach your kids to pivot.
4. Think long-term. Teenage brains are hard-wired for short-term rewards. Model and practice goal setting, both short and long term. Teenagers are capable of doing it, but it doesn’t come natural to them, yet (not until their pre-frontal cortex is fully developed. This happens sooner for girls than boys).

Start now to help your student acquire these skills before you ship them off to college. Yes, college is a time for independence. But you have to equip them with the skills they need to thrive with that independence, first. Start releasing bits of independence to them gradually, knowing they will screw it up more than a few times. Then go practice your own long-term thinking by remembering it will all work out just fine in the end. Really.

Volunteering. Something every high school student knows they should do, usually because they believe it’s a prerequisite for acceptance to college.

Don’t get me wrong, colleges like students who volunteer. But if you are going to go through the hours required to volunteer just for a college, let’s look one level deeper and think about the logic therein.

Think about the answer to the “why” of it all. Why do colleges like students who volunteer? It’s because most colleges are places focused on betterment: betterment of the individuals it strives to educate, betterment of the community in which they operate, betterment of the world through innovation and progress. They want to bring students to campus with those same ideals.

Because of this, not all volunteering endeavors are created equal. If the only reason you are volunteering is because you think you have to for college, or because your mom is making you do it, or because you have to do it for NHS, you probably aren’t making an impact worth the time and energy you are exerting. Dare I say you are wasting your time? Maybe. Up for discussion.

Believe me, admissions officers can tell the difference between those students volunteering because they “have to” and those that are excited to be there for the opportunity to make a difference, learn new skills, or otherwise be a conduit for betterment.

If you show up once a week at the library to organize books just so you can record the hour on a piece of paper, you aren’t impressing anyone. This is not to say you can’t do good work at the library, you can and should, but only if you are really interested in that work, learning new skills, and making an impact you are proud of.

So then, what is impressive and how do I find those opportunities? What’s impressive is when a student spends his time involved in something he cares about. It could be related to his career interest (teach tech skills to the elderly, coach a little league team, intern at a local law office, run adoption events for the animal shelter, plan a program at the library using what you’ve just learned in AP Computer Science…).

A good number of these types of activities are not posted online. Instead, they require you to get out and talk to people. Talk to your friends’ parents, pick up the phone to call a local business, chat with the front desk at your vet while Fluffy gets his shots updated. Tell them you are interested in helping. Ask if they need help and what you can do about it. And don’t be discouraged when you hear no. It’s not personal.

Now, and in life, the best opportunities are those we create for ourselves. You have to go and find them, and that usually requires putting yourself out there by talking to people.

That can be scary for a 15 year old; I know. I was painfully shy for a longer portion of my younger life than I care to admit. But it won’t get easier until you get more experience with it. And if you aren’t ready or willing to do that yet, consider in part your readiness for college. If you want to go to a selective school, test scores alone won’t get you there. Think about the traits you are cultivating within yourself through your activities, and make adjustments with your goals in mind. That’s what high school is all about! 

Years ago, my mother forced me to be in cotillion. That meant once a month I had to put on some dumb dress with a doily wrapped around the neck, dig in my drawers to find a matching pair of white gloves, and go stand around a stuffy country club ballroom with a bunch of other awkward middle schoolers. I was a good seven inches taller than all the boys, which did not make things any easier on my self-esteem.

I hated it. I was much more comfortable in a ponytail and dirt rubbed sweatshirt from the softball field. But she made me go dutifully every month (matching gloves or no), and despite my grumbling, I actually learned a thing or two.

At the end of the night, after all the waltzing and choosing of the correct fork was over, we had to say thank you to the evening’s hosts. There was a formula for the thank you, which I recited so often it was thoroughly committed to memory.

Now, in my work helping students plan for college, I teach the formula for the perfect thank you note. I ask students to send charming, memorable notes to most everyone who helps them along this journey: teachers who write recommendation letters, high school counselors who give good advice, college tour guides and professors, admissions officers, and so many more.

It’s important to say thank you. It takes the support of all kinds of people to help you get into the school where you will be most successful. Thank you notes are not only the right thing to do, but they can make a difference in the quality of support you get, the impression you make, and the way you are remembered.

Colleges want polite, mature students. That means if while you are on campus a professor takes the time to talk to you about a program you are interested in, or if a tour guide helps you to explore a school, or if your teacher agrees to write you a letter of recommendation despite the zillions of other things she has going on, you need to say thank you.

So how should you do that? Here’s the formula:

 Dear So-and-So,

 Thank you so much for…  I especially appreciate how you/the way you… (INSERT SOMETHING SPECIFIC TO THE PERSON/WAY PERSON HELPED YOU HERE).  I’m excited about the opportunity to...  Thank you again for all your support/encouragement/advice/counsel/assistance/guidance.

Sincerely,

You (full name, legibly signed) 

There’s nothing too fancy about it, but you’d be surprised how many students do not send these important little notes. Of course, you are not just any student and will certainly send thank you notes along your way.

Remember to be prompt and proper. That means no emails or texts. Send a handwritten note, and send it right away. Address the envelope legibly and include your return address.

That’s it! You are well on your way towards being the type of student a college would be lucky to have on campus.

Have more specific questions? Want help? Email me: Erika@guruacademicadvising.com

Hunched over the dining room table, parents and students everywhere are weighing which classes to circle on that planning sheet the school counselor handed out. Littering the list are a slew of acronyms and choices: AP, PAP, CTE, IB, Dual Credit, Independent Study, and the list could go on. Yikes! What’s a kid to do?

Many top-notch students and parents choose to load up on the AP classes because they have heard that’s what it takes to get into college; AP is, after all, the standard bearer of rigor on the high school transcript.

But here’s the dilemma: not all those APs are going to transfer as college credit. That’s fact. APs are more challenging, so the risks of getting a B or a C are greater. And in order to get a chance at college credit, a student must take and pass the AP exam: passing the class is not enough. So the question is, are AP classes “worth it”? What’s really important to a college?

It’s been estimated, based on surveys of admissions officers at different institutions across the country, that approximately 75% of the admissions decision is based on three things: GPA (especially junior year), rigor of schedule, and standardized test scores (SAT or ACT). With this in mind, the need to choose classes that demonstrate your willingness to challenge yourself in high school becomes clear. It’s amongst the most important ways you can put together a strong application. But rigor is different for everyone.

One argument for taking AP classes is that you get an extra boost in your GPA (at most schools) which can propel you forward in class rank. However, some may be quick to point out that the college may not even consider your weighted GPA, and awards little credit to your class rank (unless you are valedictorian or top ten). This is true. Colleges are going to recalculate your GPA according to their own system, but GPA is not the whole picture. You cannot look at GPA without also looking at the rigor reflected by that GPA. These two pieces of the puzzle are inherently tied together, and for good reason.

The student who makes all As in “regular” classes is not impressive (in this facet alone). Colleges view that student as one who should have been in classes the next level up, working harder and learning more, even if that means he/she gets a B. B’s are fine. I like Bs. So do colleges.

On the flip side, the student who is in all APs but taking home a couple Cs is likely a student who is overextended. That student gives the admissions officer pause. “Will this student be able to handle classes here at this college?” one might think, and then place your application in the “no” stack.

So the recommendation as to whether those AP classes are worth it or not is an individual one. There’s no right or wrong answer here. It’s about how much your student can handle and what his or her interests are. It’s okay, even for Stanford, to choose to take AP classes just in Literature and Government, while taking standard classes in the other subjects. If those are your strengths and that’s all you can handle, fine! Go that route.

GPAs, classes, and test scores are (fortunately) not the whole picture. There’s so much more. In fact, at the most competitive colleges, what’s behind the numbers is often what matters most. So after you have chosen your classes based on what’s the best fit for you, my advice is to figure out what else you have to offer. What are your skills? How can you use those skills to be innovative? Make something that wasn’t there before. Help solve a problem in your community. Go get some work experience in a field that interests you, then use that knowledge for good. Those are the things colleges really want to see, but they are going to look at the numbers (GPAs, SATs) first.

Read more about the “AP Dilemma”

• NYT: Dartmouth Stops Credits for Excelling on A.P. Test
• HuffPo: AP Exams Are the Biggest Scam in American Education (OPINION)
• Stanford News: Are AP courses worth the effort? An interview with Stanford education expert Denise Pope

Have more specific questions? Comment below or send me an email: Erika@guruacademicadvising.com. 

by Shannon Presley Alexander
      Connect with me via email: Shannon.alexander@ecubedcoaching.com
      facebook.com/ecubedcoaching
      twitter.com/ecubedcoaching 
___________

This post is brought to you by the talented and insightful Shannon Presley Alexander. Through eCubed Coaching, she works with students to help them create and maintain good habits, establish and work towards their goals, and become the leaders of their own lives, amongst other things! She's awesome, and she has some awesome advice for how to cope with the stress that can accompany the increasingly competitive college admissions process. 
___________

As if life isn’t hard enough, many of you are now facing one of the most difficult things you’ve probably ever had to tackle.  Applying to college is strenuous for any student, but with the rising cost of tuition, a cut throat admissions process, the acceptance rate diminishing, and an unstable job market, it's more taxing than ever before. 

To make that perfect impression, you’ve put yourself through the ringer: pursued a rigorous curriculum including advanced classes, increased studying, athletics and community service, all to demonstrate your skills, abilities and remarkable character. While those activities may have put you in a better position in getting accepted by the college of your choosing, the admissions process can still be anxiety provoking.  I’d like to share a few things for you to consider as you go through this phase as well as techniques to assist in minimizing the stress. As you continue reading, understand that devoting time and attention to one of these will make a difference; however, taking advantage of all of these will boost your confidence, drastically reducing your anxiety.

1.     Make a strategic academic game plan, be organized and maximize your time! These are critical components in keeping your anxiety in check. When you are prepared there will be fewer “surprises” to deal with throughout the process.  Knowing what you want to do is essential in figuring out where you are going and how to get there. Sounds pretty clever, right?!?! However many students are clueless about what they want to do after college, some don’t take the time to do their homework to learn what it takes to achieve their dream career. Once you have your major selected and an idea of where you want to attend:

• Get on target with time management – make a schedule, a visual reminder of upcoming deadlines. Each college may have more than one deadline: for early acceptance, early admittance, regular admittance, etc. Allocate time efficiently as you fill out applications; do not procrastinate. 
• Be organized – keep a notebook or digital folders on colleges you’ve researched, deadlines, pertinent points and / or facts regarding each. You may also want to consider keeping up with an application checklist to monitor what’s been completed, unfinished tasks, etc. Track your progress in comparison to the deadline dates. 

2.     Don’t be afraid to ask for help… parents, mentors, school counselors, academic coaches, etc. Rely on your resources to assist you through this stressful time. If you have questions about the process, ask. Remember the only stupid question is the one that’s not asked. It’s better to ask now than look back at some point in time and realize you’ve taken a wrong turn because you were afraid to do so. Or maybe you just need additional support during this time, reach out! Many of those around you have been through a similar process and at this time you may even have friends encountering the same pressure.

3.     Maintain a healthy mindset; be positive and optimistic yet also realistic.  Have realistic expectations. I'm not saying don't stretch or challenge yourself; however, if you are a ‘C’ student don't cross your fingers thinking you’re going to get accepted at Stanford. If you didn’t do the work, you probably won’t make the cut.

4.     Learn to accept rejection; this is part of life. While it isn’t fun, learning how to cope with rejection is an essential part of growing up.  And chances are, during this process it is likely it will happen.  Stay focused on the things you actually have control over; remember if you aren’t accepted into a specific school, it is not personal, other opportunities await.   

5.     Stay mentally and physically focused. I’m sure this is easier said than done; however, aim for 8 hours of sleep each night. Maintain a balanced diet and exercise. Not only does this create endorphins, a stress blocker, but is a great way to release tension. Find ways to work in fun; take time to enjoy your family and social life as well as a bit of quiet time for yourself.

Remember, while the college admissions process can be stressful, it doesn't have to be a gut wrenching, palm sweating, heart pounding process. Try and enjoy this time. It’s exciting to discover who you are and where you are going. As you go through this process, keep these tips in mind and just breathe. Soon enough you will look back and realize it wasn’t as bad as you thought. Good luck!

As college admissions get more competitive, the difference between an acceptance and rejection can be miniscule, perhaps as small as 140 characters.

Social media is now a staple of the way we communicate, not just for young people, but for business professionals, soccer moms, and, hey, even Grandma is getting on Facebook nowadays. The cat memes are just too much to resist, I suppose.

The internet also provides a more anonymous, impersonal form of interaction, making is easier to adopt an alter ego online that may not be the person you want to make a first impression, especially to, say, an admissions officer come college application season.

It’s true that “Googling” an applicant’s name is something that happens more often now. If an admissions officer wants more information on you, they are likely to search your name to see if they can find you on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, or one of the zillions of other social networks out there. Retweeting something raunchy, lowbrow, or littered with foul language could be enough to get your application thrown in the metaphorical waste basket (it’s all digital now—do we even need paper?).

However, before you make moves to delete sweet little Sally’s Twitter account, consider this: social media can work both ways. Just as easily as your latest status update can send a negative impression, it can also surprise the reader by showcasing a cause or subject you find interesting and are passionate about – and score you major bonus points in the process.

Consider this scenario: an admissions officer is looking at the applications of two candidates for one spot. Both are pre-med, members of the honor society, varsity athletes, yada yada yada. Fairly comparable in many areas, the admissions officer decides to dig a little deeper. Both applicants have Twitter accounts. Applicant A’s feed is mostly retweets of inspirational quotes, a couple Bible verses, and some harmlessly uninteresting conversations with friends. Nothing special there. Applicant B, however, was involved the night before in a hashtag conversation about challenges facing healthcare in developing countries. She follows change makers in that industry and uses her social media as a source of exploration for her interests. Without a doubt, I’m taking Applicant B over A.

Social media can be that persuasive; it’s a powerful new tool we need to teach our children to take advantage of by showing them the possibilities out there for using technology to create positive changes in their lives. It’s a huge value added I don’t think many parents of teenagers realize is even out there.

I think teenagers get overwhelmed with the messages about being cautious online and careful what they are “putting out there” at the expense of teaching them that they can be using that technology in amazing ways to connect to amazing people and ideas they would otherwise have little access to.

So there’s the challenge. How can you turn that cell phone that’s already in their hands (and under their pillows) 24 hours a day into something positive, not only in terms of the impression it will make when they apply to college, but years before that, by unlocking the opportunities within the networks where they already spend so much time.

By all means, monitor their networking for sure. After all, these are teenagers and they are bound to do a few stupid things every now and then. But the fact is that technology is not going anywhere, so show them the alternative. It’s more than just a way to pass the time by keeping up to date on the minutia of others’ lives: it’s a way to explore interests and ideas, grow and learn, and that’s a pretty cool thing, hashtags and all.

Questions about college admissions? Send me an email: Erika@guruacademicadvising.com